Leaves are growing through my veins and blocking all the blood
It floods my heart and floods my brain and now I don’t know how I am supposed to choose between you or myself.
Instead I will drown in the red and the blue and the tears that over flow under my eyelids.
Catch them if you can.
Feed them to your thirsty heart and you can choose me as
I have chosen
My legs ache like they’ve never ached before and I
Didn’t know it was possible to feel this lonely even
Though I am surrounded by people who know me the best but
If they know me the best then why am I so
You can ask the questions but you’ll rarely get
Maybe there isn’t an
Answer just lots and lots of
Questions and queries and thoughts and unanswered phone calls
At 3 in the morning when you’re at your worst, but they’re at their best fast asleep and
Dreaming of a new day when you’re hoping that this will
Laughing is a great way to keep track of where you feel the best
Last time I laughed I was alone
Maybe I’m better off there too
But then whenever I am with you I get this feeling
Like if I laugh I’ll wake you up and you’ll realise that I’m not the one you want
Maybe I belong with you
But maybe I belong alone
Where I can laugh and be me
But am I really me when I’m not with you?
Do I even exist or am I just here for you?
Strangers we once were and now we are
Here in this space in this time together when we could have been apart in any other world.
Tell me it’s nothing, tell me its coincidence I cannot believe
That anyone would stay for the feeling of me
Your heart beats like mine
A little bit soft a little bit sad
Slowed by the dust and the grime
And the sound of the girl I never had.
You miss her too
I know you do don’t you?
I can hear her laugh in your tears.
Don’t you know I feel the same?
I feel that pain and my cries laugh with her smiles too.
You could be my new laugh and I will be your smile
Maybe then you’ll see it’s worth the while
To love someone who isn’t worth loving at all.
I live for these moments
In the cold of the night
Where your arms wrapped around me
Are holding me tight
And I can pray for the morn
I can pray for the light
But you’ll keep me safe
In these moments of sight
My lungs are made of paper
And my heart is made of glass
My breath is made of metal
And my blood goes swimming past
Through my wooden veins
And out my porcelain wrists
My breath begins to rust
As it melts in all of this
You wasted my tears.
They sit waiting in a puddle under my heart for the next person to come along so I can feel something better.
But you made me feel everything
So my tears will continue to wait
For I have run out of feelings
For anyone but you.
The stars fell out of your lips and
in to my throat, you made me
so bright but then you left and I realised
that these stars
were just stones.
That were slowly sinking to the
bottom of my stomach.
maybe you can try to see
the river wide that flows in me
The wind that moves my blood through veins;
The way my body fends off rain
The sun shines down upon my face
I know I’ll never find my place.
I used to think that maybe if I stayed still enough that I would maybe just stop. Like my lungs would forget to breathe and the blood would stop running through my veins and my heart would stay so still that my brain would think I was dead and finally just switch off. I would be so still that even God would think I was dead and he would pick me up and take me to heaven and I would be happy and safe. But then someone I loved told me that liars go to hell, and I realised I would end up there because I lied my way to heaven and I faked it all, so I tried my hardest to never stay too still for too long and the thoughts continued to race through my mind, and my blood kept on running through my veins. But now, I think of dying again and the thought of hell doesn’t seem so bad. I guess what I’m trying to say is maybe anywhere is better than here.
I came downstairs to find you making breakfast in the shirt I lent you last night, humming along to my favourite song on the radio and I think that’s when I fell in love.
Now we’re standing here on opposite sides of a hallway waiting for the other to say it’s all going to be ok and it’s all going to work out, but we both know that’s not true, because no matter how many times someone says they love you, it’s never enough to stay
I fill the sink right to the top
I promise this time I won’t stop
I drink and drink from the bathroom sink
til my belly’s full and I feel quite sick
But I won’t give up this time
I’ll drink until I split my sides
Fill my bladder to the top
Maybe this is time to STOP
The thinking just keep drinking
feel the bad thoughts slowly sinking
Just one more gulp it all goes down
Do you think they’ll love me now?